Promises start with you.
If you are anything like me, you are a lot of things to a lot of different people. Maybe you’re a mom, a wife, a maid, a short-order cook, an employee, a best friend…the list goes on, but you get the gist. Amid orchestrating all the chaos, I often find myself making promises. Some are big. Some are small. ALL of them are important, especially to the person I made it to. I promise my daughter to help her with that college application after dinner. I promise my son we will go for a bike ride after school. I promise my husband to pay the phone bill when I finish folding the laundry. I even promise my dogs that I will take them for a walk!! And ya know what? I keep every. single. one.
When I woke up this morning, I promised myself I was going to squeeze in a workout. It didn’t matter when or how long it ended up being, just that I would get it done. It’s 10 o’clock at night and this is the one promise of the day that didn’t get kept. That’s because again, if you’re anything like me, my needs tend to come in last. Not because they aren’t important, simply because somewhere along the line they became negotiable. My promises to myself became the only ones I allow myself to break. Why? I mean c’mon now, I keep the promises I make to my dogs but not the ones I make to ME??!
Big picture. That promise I made to workout at some point in my day was a commitment to my mental health more than my physical. It was a promise to channel my anxiety, addictive behaviors, and pent-up emotions into lifting heavy shit. That workout is what would make me a nicer, more present, and most importantly re-charged version of myself. It was a promise that meant more than any of the others because when I get my workout in, I am free. For 45 mins in my gym, with my choice of music, and my shoes with a pop of hot pink on them it’s only about me and what my body and mind are capable of. And THAT is a promise worth keeping. THAT is a promise that NEEDS keeping. THAT is a promise that helps me in the habit of keeping promises to the people I love.
My day started with a promise to myself and ended with a broken promise to myself. Which made me feel bad about ME even though everyone else was happy with me because I kept my word to them. The promises we make to ourselves matter. They matter the most in my opinion. I missed that work out and missed out on the opportunity to go to bed feeling GOOD about myself and the day as a whole. I missed that work out and I got short-tempered and snappy when I was keeping my promises to everyone else. I wasn’t the best version of myself. I wasn’t the best version of myself because I broke the most important promise I made all day. Keeping our word and making promises MEANINGFUL and more than just another word, starts by staying consistent to the ones we make to ourselves. The promises we make and KEEP to ourselves are the foundation of what our promises to others are built on. That work out is the foundation of my recovery and health. Tomorrow, I am not going to make promises to anyone else. l will focus on my one promise to me and remember that if I can’t do that, if I can’t take care of me, then it’s only a matter of time before I stop keeping promises to those around me. The promises we make others start with the promises we make ourselves..