Living for you.

Life is hard. There is no way around it, we just have to live it and roll with the punches. Something I have been thinking a lot about lately though, and thought other women can probably relate to, is losing ourselves along the way. At some point we can inadvertently start living for other people. It may have started in childhood for many, growing up too quickly in order to care for a parent or needing to parent our parent because of their emotional instability. It may have happened when we got married and became the “other half” to someone. For some, maybe it was when you became a mother and were now responsible for keeping a tiny human alive. I think when we start being responsible for and deeply caring about other people on a regular basis, it can become easy to lose who we are as individuals. It’s almost like we wake up one day and realize we have been neglecting to tend to our own well-being in the process of taking on others’.

For me personally, this realization really hit me when my daughter left for college. My two sons are 16 and 12. Needless to say, they don’t need mommy to stare at them 24/7 anymore. I’ve been a stay at home mom for the last 9 years. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Now what? I also just graduated college after going online for the last 4 years and I think to myself, it’s time. It’s time to rediscover who I am. I am not the woman I was 10 years ago. I am more than a wife and mom. You see, I have to be in order to find the joy and happiness that resides within my own soul and not just by serving others. My value and life direction can not come from other people that I love.

So, here is to taking the first steps on a new journey. One of self-discovery and self-preservation really. It’s time to live for me. It sounds selfish when I read it or speak it in my head, but I have come to realize that if I am not tending to my own needs, I can’t sufficiently help others with theirs. I have to build my own life and also take part in the lives of others. I can’t revolve my life, or lack there of, around other people all of the time. It caused me to reach a severe breaking point before I realized this, to be quite honest. I don’t want any other woman to have to come to this realization as harshly as I did.

If you have lost yourself, it’s not too late. You can find who you are now and build up from there. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, good for you! You have found a balance in your life and that’s amazing. I hope to some day know with certainty who Tawny is again and I have full faith I am on my way to her now.